皮肤好饿

hellcat

I was hanging out with my female Chinese friend today (purely platonic, mind you..in almost two months the girl and I have shared no more physical contact than a handshake at hello and a light hug at goodbye), and after a long day of walking around Shamian and other spots, we came back to my place and made dinner as we sometimes do. After dinner, we were watching TV for a while, and all of a sudden she says "Can you give me a hug?" A little surprised at that, I said "Well sure" and gave her a hug.

今天我和我的一个女性中国朋友在外闲逛（我们纯粹是柏拉图式的精神交流，认识两个多月以来，除了第一次见面时候的握手和分别时候的轻轻拥抱，没有任何的身体接触）。我们在沙面一带散步了一整天，然后回到我家里，大家像往常一样一起做饭聊天。吃完饭在沙发上看电视的时候，她忽然跟我说：“你可以抱抱我吗？”我有些惊奇，但是很快的我回答说：“当然可以”，然后抱了抱她。

"I just feel like I need a hug" she said "...I think I have skin hunger", she said. At first I thought she said "I think I'm still hungry", and she said "No, skin hunger...you don't know about this?"

“我只想要个拥抱”，她断断续续地说，“我觉得我的皮肤好饿”。刚开始我以为她说的是晚饭没吃饱，但她说，“不，是我的皮肤觉得饿，你不会明白的。”

I said "No, what is skin hunger?" She explained that, in Chinese culture, family members don't hug each other, don't express their feelings such as telling each other they love each other, etc. As she hadn't had a boyfriend in three years, she hadn't had a hug in three years, she told me. She said not even friends hug each other in China.

我回答：“我的确不明白，什么叫皮肤很饿”。她接着解释说，在中国文化里，家庭成员们是不会拥抱彼此的，不会轻易表达出他们的情感比如彼此相爱。她告诉我，在过去三年里她一直没有男朋友，所以也一直得到过任何拥抱。在中国，即使是朋友之间也很少会拥抱。

What she called skin hunger is a completely normal and natural human need for other human physical contact. She explained it was just 5,000 years of tradition in China. She says even Chinese boyfriends and girlfriends rarely hug each other, and never feel like they can really talk openly and honestly about everything between them.

我想，她所说的“皮肤饥饿”，这种身体的接触，即使对其他人而言，也完全是一种极为正常和自然的人类需求。她告诉我这是中国五千年的传统，即使是恋人之间都很少拥抱彼此，似乎也从来不倡导两个人之间开放坦诚地交谈两者间所有的事情。

She even admitted that she was actually embarrassed for asking me for that hug! She said that if I were Chinese, she wouldn't have even dared to ask - for fear that I might have thought she was crazy or a "bad" girl. She said she thought a lot of people feel the same isolation that she does though. I think this is so sad.

她也承认当她向我索要拥抱时她觉得很尴尬。她说如果你是一个中国人，她一定没胆量开这个口，对方一定会认为这个女孩疯了，或者是个坏女孩。她说她相信很多人和她一样感受着同样的孤独。我觉得她好悲哀。

Talk to me, Zhong Guo renmin. Do you feel the above statements are generally true, and what do you think of this way of being? Tradition?...How can a people go for 5,000 years denying themselves and each other such a basic human need? Is there an innate emotional coldness among majority that allows this tradition to continue? Or, is there just such a strong sense of obligation to adhere to traditions even when they are unhealthy?

告诉我，“中国人民”，我以上我写的这些情况是否是真的，你们对这些现象的看法如何？传统？一个民族怎么可以在五千年的时间里一直拒绝他们自己和彼此这种最基本的人类需要？这是一种大多数人天生就存在的情感冷淡允许了这种传统一直在延续吗？或者是，你们苦苦坚守着对传统强烈的义务责任感而任凭大家都已经不健康了？

－－－

一个鬼佬朋友的疑问,作为“中国人民”的你，可否跟帖跟他分享你的感受和看法？

[ 本帖最后由 hellcat 于 2008-11-6 07:47 编辑 ]

白白

我和妈妈这些家人拥抱时，他们也会很介意，总会想推开，也许可以含蓄来解释这种说法吧，呵呵，不过我也很欣赏那位女仕的开放，要是我的话也许还要充分想想才会这样要求呢

小龙女

skin hunger ，皮肤好饿——嗯，一个很精确的表述喔。

从千百年来的传统文化传承来看，中国人似乎真的不那么习惯以拥抱来表达自己的情感，即使是在亲人之间。
有一个同事曾经跟我分享过：他的儿子小时候就被送去幼儿园全托，即使假日里回家了，他们夫妇也很少抱儿子亲儿子，小小的儿子也是遇到问题都自己拿主意解决，周遭很多朋友都经常表扬他儿子的独立。可是，就在儿子开始上小学的时候，我的同事却休了一段年假，花了一大笔钱，专程带儿子去参加了一个亲子教育的课程，而那个课程，更多的是教育父母如何每天去触摸孩子的肌肤，爱抚孩子，让孩子感受和体会来自父母的体温。
因皮肤饥饿带来的情感隔膜，是一个多么大的遗憾！

我很喜欢拥抱的感觉！满怀在抱，心帖着心，暖暖的，会感受到来自对方一种无形的接纳和支持，而同样的支持与接纳，也会通过我的拥抱传给对方。只是，很多时候，当我实实在在地想拥抱对方，或者希望对方给我一个拥抱的时候，看到的，却是对方眼里的犹豫和动作的僵硬

难道，中国人民就理当接受并且承受这种肌肤的饥饿？I hope NO！

我不是咩咩

很喜欢拥抱的感觉。暖暖的，好安全的感觉。

铃铛LYL

是呀，与喜欢的人拥抱，感觉真好！！